I’ve struggled with my Taurean nature most of my life. My natural energy is languid and slow and that doesn’t really mesh well in a world that insists on speeding around. Rushing through life just doesn’t suit me. Yet I find that I chastise myself at times for being that student that takes time to settle in before class, and how at the end I love to linger before I dash off to the rest of my day. It’s weird how we set standards for ourselves to be like other people. We want to fit in. We want to do what is acceptable and appropriate. We want to make sure others are comfortable being around us. But acceptable and appropriate are deadly to our authentic expressions of ourselves. This I’m sure of.
It’s a daily battle to navigate the balance between being true to ourselves and not overstepping the boundaries of others in the process. It’s tough. It’s something I haven’t quite mastered yet. Today I’ve come into greater awareness of my need for slowness in transitioning from one thing to another. I am working on allowing myself to be exactly how I am without judgment. It isn’t easy. It is a constant practice, but at least it shows up on the mat as well. I can be more conscious of the way I transition between poses and use what comes up there as a mirror to work through the way I transition between all aspects of my life.
I think just like in yoga, the transitions in my life will get smoother and more gentle as I get stronger and more willing to flow. Surrendering to flow has always been a challenge for me. I’m constantly afraid of losing awareness in it and disturbing the flow of others in the process. The sensitivity of my empathic nature makes it really hard to not acknowledge the impact I have on others. It’s difficult to always know where my responsibility lies in being a more considerate human and where it is another’s responsibility alone to deal with who I am. I haven’t quite gotten a handle on how to manage all of that, but I’m learning. As always, I am ever grateful for this practice to allow me to work through whatever life brings up for me. Until next time…